I know it’s been a while, but don’t hold it against me. There’s really no reason for it other than writer’s block or lack of inspiration. That, folks, is one reason I don’t aspire to write professionally — I’m not sure I could maintain the pipeline of material or imagination needed to produce consistently interesting or quality literature.
At any rate, while writing has been at a standstill, the never-ending stream of thoughts in my head hasn’t ceased at all. I’m have what some might label a “melancholy” personality, which is a very complicated type. Without too much detail, let me simply explain how that applies to me.
For starters, I’m an incredibly detail-oriented person. I can sometimes be overly organized and I have a tendency to slip into “perfectionist mode” — drives my wife crazy. But another aspect to this part of me is a crazy introspective, analytic, who can’t stop thinking about… well everything. I analyze everything in my head — though there are certain things I tend to obsess over more. One of those things is me. But not in a narcissistic, arrogant way like that probably sounded. No, I analyze my interactions with other people, usually trying to make sure I don’t offend someone or say something self-righteously stupid. I analyze the impression I give other people with my dress, voice, mannerisms, etc. — I want to make a good impression, but not just to look good. I suppose I want people to like me for me…
I also analyze the world around me — culture, music, movies, cars, society, politics, kids, families, etc. I can’t shut if off. Just ask my wife. She says I “stream”, which is essentially external processing expressed in one long verbal diatribe. Interruption is unacceptable. Pausing is only acceptable to clarify how to express the thought I just had. Stopping can only happen when I’ve fully exhausted the string of thoughts in my head. Sometimes, that takes a couple of hours… :-O
The point of this particular rambling, which you have the privilege of following, is to say that I believe I have found a unique way to curb the effects of my over-active analysis bone. It’s quite simple really:
- reading novels & the Bible
- watching movies
I know, profound, right? I think these things help me focus on 1) something other than me and 2) an adventure or story beyond myself and the crazy world I live in. It’s not a cure-all, and I’m pretty sure I don’t want it to be (But my wife might).
But before I leave you with that, let me not forget that she — my wife — is perhaps the most important part of keeping me balanced. She listens when I “stream”. And she interrupts, which forces me to pause (and practice patience), and then she tells me when I need to stop. She is, without a doubt, my better half. Without her — my most precious gift from God — I tremble to think who I could have been and who I would not be.
Honey, if you manage to have the patience to read to this point (perhaps you will be the only one to read this far), I must say two very important things: 1) Thank you — for everything, and 2) I love you.